When They Cry
I have a love/hate relationship with people. Getting the opportunity to witness the vulnerability of others is a beautiful thing. Watching someone’s eyes light up as they’re describing a passion of theirs has the ability to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside – even if I don’t quite understand their passion [i.e. my one friend who sees God in accounting]. Being able to feel that relief of knowing that someone just broke down their barriers for you may be one of the most rewarding things to experience. There’s a beauty in building any kind of relationship, whether it is friendly, romantic, business, mentor/mentee, et cetera.
So, what is it about people that can make me want to punt woodland creatures?
Going for a field goal
Well, there are many different perspectives to look at when answering that question. Obviously, there are some people – like Hitler for example – who, at their core, are evil. And there are others who will purposely try to push buttons. But most people do not fall into those extreme categories. Most people are, in reality, not all that different from myself or others that I consider to be my friends. When it comes to a lot of these people, one thing that I’ve realized about myself, is that I seem to have a very easy time judging them. Their struggles are not very different from my own or my friends, but for some reason I can easily find myself ignoring that fact and be quite hypocritical.
The other day, the issue of judging seemed to come up often throughout various conversations. And throughout talking to various friends, one quote that I heard many years ago came back to my mind. I had always loved this quote, but it took on a whole new meaning to me this past week.
“You learn to like someone when you learn what makes them smile, but you never truly love someone until you learn what makes them cry.”
When I take a moment and really think of what this quote means to me, I am left with the conclusion that love is found in the brokenness. Being able to witness someone admit their inner struggles, their past that left them damaged, or a sincere passion that is so strong that it can bring them to tears satisfies this longing for connection that we have for each other and is able to awaken a desire to know this person better and to have a genuine relationship with them. It’s hard not to love someone, or at least extend grace to them, when you know their story and what they have had to overcome.
Bringing this back to judgment, I believe that the human’s ability to respond so quickly in judging others comes from a lack of a real, caring connection. When I think back over the years to the people that I have been hard on, I can’t recall if I ever truly heard their story. Instead I judged from an outward perspective, not knowing the person’s struggles, hopes, anxieties, et cetera. I would look at them and their actions and assume that they should know better. They should know better than to lead people on, or be incredibly reckless, or do a multitude of others things that would fall into my “You’re Stupid” category. When really, I should have been looking at why they were being stupid ‘cause let’s face it – everyone does stupid things. Everyone can act incredibly stupid. But I would be included in that “everybody”. So, I’m not going to say that some of those people who I have judged are not actually being stupid, but there is generally a method to the madness. Learning what that method is, then, can g
reatly help achieve understanding and extend some grace.
Something that I have always strived for is deep, meaningful relationships. This is mainly because I would rather sit all day listening to nails grinding on a chalk board than have to go through constant small talk. Small talk is a necessary evil that everyone has to go through to develop a real friendship, and I succumb to its evil because of the prize waiting at the other side. There is so much unbelievable beauty in acknowledging your brokenness to other people. There’s something monumentally freeing about being able to lay your life down on the table, and say, “This is where I’ve come from and this is where I am and this is where I dream about going to*”. And I believe that by seeking these types of relationships, our judge-y personalities will begin to evaporate.
One of the reasons why I’m writing about this is because I know that I’ve failed in this area. As much as I love getting deep with people and hearing everyone’s story, I still can jump easily to judgment with most people. And lately the topic of judgment as become one of those recurring themes in my life, which generally insinuates that I need to think heavily about it or that sharing it would be a good idea – or both, like I am doing now.
Moral of the story? Be a mermaid. Dive deep.
xxMegan
* I would also like to clarify that it is wise to be discerning to who you’re sharing with. I’m not going to try and be legalistic and make a blanket statement, but sharing some deep information with members of the opposite sex can land you in some trouble that you may experience later down the road. Making too much of an emotional connection can lead to a co-dependence on each other which can majorly bite you in the butt, which is gross and could lead to infections.